Humanity has always chased the ultimate thrill of speed, and so, all manner of high-velocity vehicles were born. The "Speeding Jet Surfboard" stands as the pinnacle of that dream. It may be just a waterborne surfboard, but it once claimed the record for the "Fastest Man-Made Object," forever engraved in the annals of speed. Unfortunately, this item is strictly a collector's piece, not exactly meant for actual use. Most living beings simply cannot withstand the velocity, and would be reduced to a fine crimson mist in an instant. "Do NOT attach this surfboard to a racing vehicle. The last person who tried... well, they're probably somewhere well outside Astropolis's gravitational range by now."